Well, my camera is broken. Which means no new pictures of the girls. Which means kinda boring blog posts. Sorry everyone. Perhaps it's time for us to purchase a new one.... hmmm, Cam's birthday is coming up, could be an idea :)
Anyway, life in the Schellenberg house is changing. I swear, Isla went to bed and woke up a whole new 2 and a half year old... and not in a good way. She no longer naps (which means I no longer have any 'me' time during the day... and I gotta admit, I'm struggling) and she doesn't 'do' quiet time in her room, so I've resorted to a movie time in the afternoon where she just chills. It works. Therefore, I'm doing it (yes, I do feel guilty for planting my child in front of the TV for 90 minutes, but hey, we BOTH need it).
Her favorite phrases as of late:
"No, I don't want to".
"I don't like that".
"That makes me mad" (complete with arms crossed across her chest).
"I wanna get out" (at 5:30 in the morning, in a voice that sounds as if she is being tortured, complete with screams and cries of epic proportions).
I love my child, of course, but I can't help feeling like a failure. And boy, does it suck. There are days where my patience has run out and it's merely 7:30 am. I am empty. My patience reserves are nill. So, what does this look like? Me treating Isla poorly and Isla responding to that with more whining and more resistance. It's a vicious cycle. Obviously, I want to be the perfect Mom... I want to show Isla unconditional love, support, enthusiasm, self-confidence and the list goes on, but I can't be. And the guilt this realization brings double sucks. However, one of my wise and amazing friends said to me that our kids wouldn't need God if we were perfect parents. And I want my daughters to know God, in some capacity, on their own choosing. So this brings me comfort. God is there to show Isla and Annie perfection; I am a mere vessel trying to stay afloat with the knowledge that I am doing my best and that above all else, my kids intimately know that they are loved. So, I will keep on trucking and do the best I can.
And you ARE doing a great job Jill! I know it's so tough, and these years can be so draining. But keep treading that water and doing the best you can! Take care of yourself, take care of your relationship with God and with Cam, and your girls will have a great mom!
ReplyDeleteAw Jill, I have been there and am there with Wren so so many days...I feel like those little phrases you wrote of Isla's are exact copies of Wren! Top it off with potty training failure at this house and well, I hear you.
ReplyDeleteBut you're not failing, you are great and so completely normal-we all blow our gaskets and feel like monsters and that we suck. Like Becky said, you are doing your best and all I have to say is thank God at least they won't remember these years...haha.